Here are some of my favourite opening lines from my 2011 Posts:
Give me a cup of Chunky Ebola Flakes served in a mildly tepid bowl of cholerafied milk and call it a breakfast to die for!!!
Find me three wise men and a virgin in New Zealand
Since his death Michael Jackson has been more popular than a fur seal in a baseball bat emporium.
Tighten my braces, spin my bow tie, pull a rabbit out of my hat and call it a turkey!
I’ve just had an experience that rattled my bones like a leaky bladder on a set of bagpipes.
I’ve just had an experience that rattled my bones like a leaky bladder on a set of bagpipes.
Put some dead fish in a paper bag and wedge them between the hubcap of your neighbour’s truck!
If there is one thing that I find more disturbing than seeing a truck load of lepers crash into a porridge factory…
If there’s one thing that amuses me more than a Zimbabwean farmer trying to milk his cow before someone shoots their skinny white ass (the cow that is)…
If there’s one thing that scares the bejeezus out of me more than standing on a rickety pier with a sack of rocks and an ankle bracelet...
If there’s one thing that makes me shit rhubarb into hard marbles...
If there’s one thing that makes me madder than a milliner sucking mercury from a broken thermometer…
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