Show me the root'n'toot'n' way outa here coz I hate being on committees and I'm currently on three of the damned things!
The first problem with committees is that they rely on the deluded institution of democracy in order to function. Now I hate democracy - it allows stupid people to vote (you know, people who listen to talk back radio or lay concrete for a living) - but it doesn't compensate by allowing smart people like you and me to have extra votes to negate the stupid peoples' votes. So everyone has a vote and every vote is measured the same - and that is really REALLY stupid!!!!
Further, if you consider all the truely great leaders throughout history, none of them rose to power via a democracy. I'm thinking of the true greats; Ghengis Khan, Atilla the Hun, Vlad the Impaler, Joseph Stalin, George W Bush - none of these guys claimed power using a democratic process. No, they grabbed power by taking it by the bal... by the throat and shepherding their people to greatness while conquering the world and crushing anyone who stood in their way (kind of like what a McDonald's franchisee does to local small family-owned food businesses - but that's another story). And let's face it, when you think about the likes of Vlad, Atilla, Ghengis and George, you'll never... and I mean NEVER... find their admirable qualities and characteristics in a leader of a democratic state.
The other thing about committees is that you can have anything between 10 and 25 people on the things meaning that there should be a reasonable distribution of the work programme. Note I said, "reasonable". After all, you and I both know who's going to do all the work, don't we? And it it's not going to be the dottery hair-netted woman who sits at the end of the table month after month crocheting the same tired old baby cardi.
That's another good reason why I hate democracy. Everyone votes to add more stuff to the work programme but no-one stands up to do it. Everyone suddenly remembers how 'over-committed' they are (like the cardi she's been knitting for the last eleven months suddenly needs to be completed next week because her niece's baby is due). So the mountain of work is left to be done by the same two committee members that always do it. And what's even worse, these are the two busiest people on the committee in the first place - they're the ones working 80 hours a week in their day jobs, supporting an extended family at home and caring for an ailing mother who needs constant personal cares... and they're on seven other committees and boards too.
But they're not the ones who will get remembered when it comes to making nominations for the Queen's Birthday Honours List. Oh no, the person that everyone will remember the most is the one who takes the 'minutes' at the meetings. And let's get real here, in most cases the person who takes the minutes isn't exactly considered the brightest bulb in the onion patch - otherwise they wouldn't have let themselves get shafted with the job of taking them now, would they? Like that's the job you give to the rusty lead pipe that can't pass enough water to be classified a drought. But they do it so well, don't they? I mean, sometimes you get minutes that are so detailed and so long that they ought be called 'nano-seconds'!
So when it comes to the Queen's Birthday Honours List, we're not remembering the nano-second taker because they were bright, hardworking or exceptional - we remember them because they put us through hell with their extended depiction of events gone by, written in the style of "War and Peace" and published on the back of three hectares of freshly cut Brazillian Rain Forest... And we thank them for this by giving them a civic award that celebrates their persisent dedication to micro-futility. (No, I said 'Micro-futility' - what you're thinking of is an elective medical procedure).
So if democracy is the root of all evil in a committee then how should we run them? Like I always say; "It's no use complaining if you don't have a solution" and yes, I do have a solution. Committees should be run by consensus - my consensus. I've found by experience that that's the most efficient way to get things done.
And as always, that's what I think... and usually I'm right.
No comments:
Post a Comment